You say kindness matters to you. But when you look at how you actually spend your time, energy, and money, something doesn't add up. You're caught between wanting to be a kind person and noticing that kindness keeps costing you more than you can afford.
Who This Is For (and Who It Is Not)
This is for you if you've claimed kindness as a value and then felt that conflict sharpen — the pull to help others running directly against what you need for yourself. If you've said yes to things that drained you. If you've been generous when you couldn't afford to be, and then resented the people you helped. If you've started to wonder whether kindness is actually your value or just the story you tell about yourself.
This is not for you if you've already decided that kindness is not a priority, and you are at peace with that decision. The point of this work is not to make you feel guilty about your values. It is to make sure the values you are living are the ones you actually chose. If you have chosen something else, that is a clear answer.
And this is not for you if you believe kindness is your top value and you are living it consistently, with full knowledge of what it costs and why you pay that cost. You do not need this clarity.
What You Will Discover
Shalom Schwartz's research on basic human values, conducted across 80 countries and replicated for decades, shows that kindness is not a simple, standalone value. It sits in a circular structure with other values, and some are compatible with it while others directly oppose it. When you discover where kindness actually ranks among your values and what is adjacent to it, you will see exactly why that conflict exists. You will understand which values are pulling against kindness in your life — whether that is achievement, autonomy, or security — and you will stop blaming yourself for the inconsistency. The inconsistency is real. It is not a failure. It is information.
Once you see the actual structure of your values, not the idealized version, you can make deliberate choices about what matters most. You can be kind in the ways that align with your priorities. You can say no to kindness requests that violate your other values. You can stop performing a version of yourself that leaves you resentful. That shift from "I should be kinder" to "Here is where I can be kind, and here is where I cannot" changes everything.
Common Reasons People Wait
The first reason is that you are afraid of what the assessment will show. You worry that if you look clearly at your values, you will discover you are not as kind as you believe you are. That is a real risk. Some people do. What matters is that the alternative is continuing to act on a story about yourself that is not true, which means continuing to make choices that do not fit you. That costs more in the long run than a difficult truth about yourself right now.
The second reason is that you worry kindness is supposed to be your top value, and if it is not, something is wrong with you. Schwartz's research shows that kindness is indeed important across virtually all human cultures. But it is not the only value that matters. For most people, security, achievement, autonomy, or self-direction rank higher. That does not make you a bad person. It makes you normal. And once you stop insisting that kindness should be higher than it actually is for you, you can figure out how to be kind in the ways that are sustainable given what actually matters most.
The third reason is that you think you already know what your values are, so assessment seems redundant. But knowing what you think is your top value and actually knowing which value shows up in your decisions are two different things. Most people are surprised. Not always in the direction they expect. The surprise is the point. It cuts through the story you tell yourself and gives you something you can actually build from.
The My Values assessment surfaces your values, ranks them, and shows you where your life is and is not aligned with what matters most to you.
Is kindness the same as the value of benevolence?
In Schwartz's framework, benevolence is the broader value that includes kindness, helpfulness, and caring for others. Kindness specifically refers to compassion and concern for the welfare of close others, while benevolence includes both personal and universal concern. The assessment will show you both the strength of this value and whether you lean toward kindness in intimate relationships or toward universal concern for all people.
Can someone rank high in kindness but low in other values that seem contradictory?
Yes. Schwartz's circumplex model shows that kindness sits adjacent to values like conformity and tradition, which are compatible, but opposite to values like power and achievement. You can rank high in kindness and also high in achievement — but when the two come into conflict, you will feel that tension acutely. The assessment helps you see which competing values are creating that conflict.
If I discover kindness is not my top value, does that mean I am not a kind person?
Not at all. It means kindness ranks lower than something else that matters more to you right now — possibly autonomy, security, or achievement. You can still be kind within those constraints. Many people who rank security or achievement as top values are deeply kind in specific relationships or contexts. What changes is that you stop expecting yourself to be kind in ways that violate what actually matters most to you.
What should I do if my kindness value does not match how I want to be seen?
That gap is exactly what this assessment illuminates. You have a choice: change your behavior to better match your actual values, or examine whether you want to shift what matters most to you. Either way, you are making the choice consciously instead of running on guilt. That is the work.