You might say connection is important to you, but when you actually choose, you often prioritize something else instead. You're wondering whether connection is truly a core value or just something you think you should want.
Who This Is For (and Who It Is Not)
This is for you if you find yourself in a gap between what you claim matters and how you actually spend your time and energy. You might be someone who says you value deep friendships but then cancels plans to work. Or you value family but find yourself emotionally distant in conversations that matter. You're not confused about what connection means. You're confused about whether it's really yours.
This is also for you if you've noticed a pattern where pursuing connection creates conflict with another value you hold strongly. Maybe you want to be generous and self-sufficient, but genuine connection requires vulnerability. Maybe you value achievement and independence, and showing up for someone else's needs feels like it works against that. You've felt the tension and you're trying to understand whether it's a legitimate trade-off or a sign that connection isn't actually central to who you are.
This is not for you if you're still trying to decide whether connection is good or bad, or whether relationships matter at all. This page assumes you already know connection matters, but you're uncertain whether it matters to you specifically, and in what way. If you're looking for arguments about why humans need community, you'll find them elsewhere. You're here to clarify something about yourself.
What You Will Discover
Once you map your actual values using Schwartz's framework, you'll see which values are adjacent to connection in your hierarchy and which ones pull against it. This matters because Schwartz's research shows that values form a circular structure: some values are naturally compatible with each other, while opposite values create genuine tension. If you value connection alongside benevolence and community, they reinforce each other. If you value connection but also power and achievement at similar intensity, you'll face real conflicts. Understanding which is happening in your case is the difference between accepting a legitimate trade-off and blaming yourself for not being the person you think you should be.
You'll also discover whether connection itself is ranked as high as you assumed. Many people discover that connection ranks sixth or seventh for them, not first or second. That doesn't mean it's unimportant. It means you can stop treating it as central to your identity and start making decisions that actually fit who you are. Others discover that connection does rank at the top, but they've been living in ways that undermine it. That clarity is what changes behavior, because you're no longer fighting yourself.
Common Reasons People Wait
Some people hesitate because they're afraid the assessment will confirm that connection isn't really theirs, and then they'll have to accept a version of themselves they don't like. You might worry that you'll discover you're more solitary, more driven, more independent than you want to be. That's a real fear, but here's what matters: you're already living as if that's true. The assessment doesn't create that reality. It reveals what's already there. And revealing it is the only way to stop fighting it or making choices that don't fit.
Others wait because they think connection must be a core value if they love certain people deeply. You love your family. You care about your close friends. That's real. Schwartz's research distinguishes between personal relationships you deeply care about and connection as a guiding principle for your life decisions. Someone can have profound love for specific people while still prioritizing independence, achievement, or security in how they structure their life. That's not a failure. That's information.
The last common hesitation is that you're not ready to change anything, so knowing the truth feels pointless. But knowing your actual values isn't a commitment to overhaul your life. It's permission to stop trying to be someone you're not and to stop judging yourself for not being that person. Some people discover they want to rebalance their priorities. Some people discover their priorities are already right and they can stop the guilt. Both outcomes are useful, and neither requires you to transform yourself.
The My Values assessment surfaces your actual values, ranks them in order, and shows you where you're living them and where you're not.
Is connection the same as having close relationships?
Not exactly. You can have close relationships and still rank connection lower as a guiding value. Schwartz defines connection values (what he calls "benevolence" and broader "universalism") as the principle of caring for others' welfare and wellbeing as a driving force in decisions. You might have a loving marriage but rank security, stability, or achievement higher in how you actually spend energy and make choices.
If connection is one of my core values, does that mean I should prioritize relationships over work?
No. Schwartz's framework shows that values exist alongside each other in tension and balance, not in a hierarchy where the top value wins every time. Someone might rank connection highly but also rank achievement highly, and that person makes decisions that honor both, even when they conflict. The point is knowing what's actually pulling at you, not that one value should dictate everything.
Can my core values change over time?
Schwartz's research across 80+ countries shows that basic values are relatively stable within a person, particularly by early adulthood, but they can shift through significant life events and intentional change. Becoming a parent, recovering from isolation, or surviving loss can genuinely reshape what you prioritize. That said, most people's fundamental rankings stay fairly consistent, even when they wish they were different.
What if I discover connection isn't really my core value?
Many people feel relief when they realize this, because it means they can stop feeling guilty for not being someone who prioritizes relationships above all else. You can then ask clearer questions: How much connection do I actually want? What kind of connection fits my other values? How do I build genuine intimacy without trying to make it more central than it is for me? That specificity is where real change happens.