You say forgiveness matters to you. But when someone hurts you, you hold onto the grudge anyway. You tell yourself you've let it go, then find yourself replaying the same wound weeks later. The gap between what you claim to value and how you actually live is starting to feel less like a character flaw and more like a sign that you might be wrong about what you value in the first place.
Who This Is For (and Who It Is Not)
This page is for you if you've noticed a pattern where your actions don't match your stated values. You say forgiveness matters, but you're not sure if it's something you genuinely hold as a core value or something you think you should believe in. You're willing to look at yourself honestly, even if what you find isn't flattering.
You're not who this is for if you're still in the moment of raw hurt. If someone betrayed you yesterday and you're looking for a reason to let them off the hook, you need time and maybe a therapist, not a values assessment. This page is about clarity, not quick absolution.
This is also not for people who are certain they don't value forgiveness. If you've already decided that holding grudges aligns with your priorities, that's a valid choice. This is for the people caught in the middle, suspended between what they want to believe and what they actually do.
What You Will Discover
Schwartz's research on basic human values, conducted across 80+ countries since 1992, shows that values exist in a circular structure. Adjacent values support each other. Opposite values create tension. Forgiveness, for instance, sits on the compassion and benevolence side of the circle. If your core values cluster around personal achievement or power, forgiveness will feel less natural to you, not because you're broken but because you're organized differently. What shifts is understanding why you struggle with forgiveness in a way that has nothing to do with moral failure and everything to do with how your actual priorities are ordered.
The second shift is permission. If you discover that forgiveness isn't truly one of your top values, you stop wasting energy on guilt about not being forgiving. If it does show up in your top values but you're not living it, you know exactly what's blocking you, and you can address it with real specificity instead of vague shame. Either way, you're no longer fighting yourself.
Common Reasons People Wait
Some people hesitate because they think taking a values assessment means they'll be judged if their values are "bad." There's a difference between your values and your character. A person might genuinely prioritize independence and achievement over compassion, and that's not shameful, it's informative. The assessment doesn't judge. It shows you what's actually true about your priorities so you can decide what to do with that information.
Others worry that naming their values will lock them in. If forgiveness shows up as low on your list, does that mean you're choosing to be unforgiving forever? No. It means you're starting from where you actually are instead of from where you think you should be. You can build toward values that matter to you intellectually even if they're not yet your core priorities. But you do that more effectively when you're honest about the starting point.
A third hesitation is that values feel too abstract to measure. Schwartz's framework doesn't ask you vague questions about what sounds good. It presents concrete trade-offs: what matters more, the security of knowing where you stand, or the excitement of taking risks? When faced with actual choices rather than ideals, your real values emerge. That's harder than circling a box next to "forgiveness," but it's far more useful.
The My Values assessment takes your actual priorities and shows you where you're living them and where the gap has opened up. That gap is where change happens, if you want it.
Is forgiveness a universal value everyone should have?
No. Schwartz's cross-cultural research shows that forgiveness aligns with benevolence and self-transcendence values, which are important to most people, but they sit opposite to power and achievement values on the circular model. Someone who prioritizes autonomy and accomplishment over harmony will naturally struggle with forgiveness, and that's structural, not a defect.
What if I take the assessment and find out I don't value forgiveness?
That's useful information. It means you can stop expecting yourself to forgive easily and instead understand why grudges stick with you. You might decide to build forgiveness as a skill for specific relationships, or you might decide your actual values and your relationships are misaligned. Either way, you're working with reality, not fighting it.
Can my values change over time?
Yes, but slowly. Life experience, relationships, and conscious reflection can shift what matters to you, especially after significant events. Schwartz's research shows that values are relatively stable in adulthood, but they're not fixed. An assessment shows you where you are now, which is the only place you can actually start.
How is Schwartz's framework different from other values tests?
Schwartz's model is based on cross-cultural research across 80+ countries and has been repeatedly validated for 30 years. It shows how values relate to each other, not just what your top five are. This means you understand not just what you value, but why you might conflict with someone whose values sit opposite on the circle, and why some goals feel easier to pursue than others.