You say community matters to you, but you're not showing up. You skip the group chat. You decline the dinner. You work late instead of joining the project. It's possible that community isn't actually a core value for you at all, and you've been holding yourself to someone else's standard.
Who This Is For (and Who It Is Not)
This page is for you if you've claimed community as important and then noticed a gap between that claim and how you actually spend your time and energy. You might feel guilty about that gap, or you might feel stubborn resistance to the activities that are supposed to matter. Either way, you're questioning whether community is genuinely a priority or whether you've adopted it because it sounds good, looks good, or keeps others off your back.
You will also find this useful if you're wondering whether "community" even means the same thing to you as it does to the people around you. One person's community is a tight friend group of four people they see monthly. Another person's is volunteering alongside strangers. A third person's is online. The word covers territory so wide that you might be rejecting community altogether while actually valuing deep connection or meaningful contribution, which are adjacent but different values.
This is probably not the page for you if you already know that community is central to who you are, you actively invest in relationships, and you're satisfied with that investment. You don't need permission to stop feeling guilty about something you've chosen not to prioritize. You do not need to doubt yourself further.
What You Will Discover
Once you work through this question honestly, you will see where community actually sits in your hierarchy of values. You may find that it ranks much lower than you thought, and that the guilt you feel is the sound of one person's expectations colliding with your actual priorities. You may find that you value something related to community—autonomy within connection, intellectual partnership, family obligation—but not community as a general principle. You may even discover that you value it deeply but have structured your life in ways that make it nearly impossible to pursue it, and that becomes a clear problem to solve instead of a failure you carry.
The other major shift is understanding why certain values sit adjacent to each other in Schwartz's framework while others sit in opposition. Schwartz's research across 80 countries identified 10 universal value types arranged in a circular structure, where compatible values sit next to each other and conflicting values sit across from each other. Community, for instance, sits adjacent to values like tradition and conformity, but in tension with values like autonomy and achievement. Once you see these patterns in your own life, you stop seeing value conflicts as personal failures and start seeing them as genuine trade-offs you need to navigate.
Common Reasons People Wait
The first reason people hesitate is that they're afraid the answer will make them feel selfish. If community is not actually your core value, that might seem to confirm that you're a self-centered person who doesn't care about others. That's a misreading. Not valuing community as a core priority does not mean you're indifferent to other people. You might rank security, autonomy, or achievement higher, and still be thoughtful and kind. You might value deep one-to-one connection over group belonging. The framework is about what matters most to you, not about your character.
The second reason is that you're worried the answer will create conflict. If your partner, family, or close friends deeply value community and you don't, that's information that matters. But it's information you already have—you can feel the tension. What you get from doing this work is clarity about what the actual conflict is. You are not creating the tension. You are naming it so you can decide what to do about it: whether to invest in community for them, whether to find people who share your value structure, whether to accept the difference, or something else entirely. The conflict exists. The question is whether you understand it.
The third reason is that you suspect community is actually important to you, but you're avoiding the clarifying work because it would require you to change. If you discover that community ranks high in your values but low in your actual life, you would need to do something different. It's easier to stay confused. The work of bringing your life into alignment with your values is real work. But you're already paying the cost—in guilt, in distance from people you care about, in the sense that something is off. The cost of staying confused just comes in a different form.
The My Values assessment surfaces your actual values, ranks them against each other, and shows you the specific gaps between what you say matters and how you're living. That clarity is the foundation for everything that comes next.
Is community a universal value everyone should have?
No. Schwartz's research shows that all 10 value types exist across cultures, but individuals rank them differently. Some people prioritize community, belonging, and tradition as central to identity. Others center autonomy, achievement, or security. Both are valid. The question is not whether you should value community, but whether you actually do.
What if I value deep friendships but hate group activities?
That's likely not a rejection of community value itself—it's a rejection of a particular expression of it. You may value intimate connection or loyalty, which are compatible with community but can be expressed one-to-one rather than in groups. The framework helps you name what you actually care about instead of forcing yourself into a version of community that doesn't fit you.
Can someone's core values change over time?
Yes, values can shift with life circumstances, relationships, and reflection. A person might not prioritize community in their 20s but value it deeply after having children. Or they might discover they were performing community value to please parents and find their authentic priorities shift when they live independently. The work is ongoing, not one-time.
What should I do if my core values don't match my partner's?
First, get clear on what you each actually value using a structured framework. You may find you're closer than you think, or that you value related but distinct things. Then decide whether the differences are something you can accept, negotiate, or whether they reflect a fundamental incompatibility. Many successful relationships include people with different value hierarchies who understand and respect those differences.