Core values are stable, abstract principles that guide your decisions and behavior
They are not goals you achieve and check off. They are not skills you develop or interests you explore. Core values are enduring—they shape what you prioritize, who you spend time with, how you spend money, and what you do when nobody's watching. A person who values honesty will feel actual discomfort lying, even if a lie would be easier. Someone who values autonomy will resist being told what to do, even when obedience would be rewarded. That tension you feel between what you're doing and what matters to you—that's a value conflict. It gets louder the longer you ignore it.
The difference between a core value and a preference matters. You might prefer coffee to tea. You might prefer working from home. But a core value is something you are willing to sacrifice for. You will choose it even when it costs you something else you want. That's how you know it's real.
Schwartz's framework shows how your values either support each other or pull in opposite directions
Psychologist Shalom Schwartz (1992) studied values across more than 80 countries and found 10 value types that appear again and again, regardless of culture. This isn't ideology or Western psychology imposed on the world—it's a pattern that holds up when you actually ask people what matters to them. Schwartz mapped these values in a circle, and the position matters. Values that sit next to each other are compatible. Values across from each other are in tension.
For example, Security and Conformity sit adjacent to each other on the circle—they naturally reinforce each other. Someone who values stability and tradition tends to value rules and group harmony. But Security sits opposite Achievement and Self-Direction. If you deeply need both security and personal freedom, you will feel that conflict regularly. The circle doesn't make one value wrong. It shows you where the friction comes from.
The 10 types Schwartz identified are Self-Direction (autonomy and creative thinking), Stimulation (excitement and novel experience), Hedonism (pleasure and gratification), Achievement (success and status), Power (control and dominance), Security (safety and stability), Conformity (obedience and respect for tradition), Tradition (reverence and acceptance of cultural customs), Benevolence (caring for those close to you), and Universalism (concern for all people and the natural world). Most people hold all 10 values to some degree. What differs is which ones you rank highest, which ones matter less, and how the tension between competing values plays out in your actual life.
The gap between your stated values and your lived values is where the real information sits
You might say you value family. But if you work 60 hours a week and see your kids for an hour before bed, the value you're actually living is something else—achievement, security, obligation, or status. You might say you value honesty but tell yourself convenient stories to justify decisions that feel self-serving. You might say you value health and then spend six months not moving your body. None of this makes you a hypocrite. It makes you human. But the gap is uncomfortable, and it gets worse the wider it gets.
This is not a judgment problem. It's a clarity problem. If you don't know which values are actually driving you, you can't choose whether to act on them or change course. You stay stuck in the contradiction, feeling guilty or resentful or confused about why your life doesn't feel aligned. Many people spend years trying to fix the guilt without addressing the core issue: they haven't clearly identified what they actually value, ranked them, or honestly looked at where they're living them and where they're not.
Find your values by noticing what you defend, sacrifice for, and resent
If you want to know your actual values, don't start with a list of abstract principles. Start with concrete moments. What do you get angry about when someone violates it? Not small irritation—the kind of anger that surprises you with how hot it burns. What have you given up for something that mattered? Not the things you gave up reluctantly, but the ones you'd do again. What do you resent other people for not doing? Your resentment often points to a value you're honoring that you wish they would too.
You can also notice patterns in your choices. Why did you take the job you took? Why did you end the relationship you ended? What did you say no to, and what did you say yes to? The smaller the stakes, the clearer your real values often show. When you're forced to choose between two things you want and you choose one, you've just learned something about your hierarchy.
This work is worth doing because your values are the only reliable compass you have when the stakes are high. They don't change based on mood or pressure or what other people think you should do. When you're clear on them and honest about where you're living them and where you're not, you can make intentional choices instead of drifting or oscillating between competing desires. You can also stop resenting others for not sharing values that matter to you, because you'll understand what's actually driving them instead of assuming they're lazy or selfish or broken.
The My Values assessment surfaces your actual values, ranks them, and shows you exactly where you are living them and where you're not.
What's the difference between values and goals?
Goals are destinations you reach. Values are directions you move in. You can achieve a goal and then it's done, but a value is how you live every day. If you value honesty, that's not something you finish—it's something you practice. This matters because goals can conflict with each other, but values shouldn't contradict. If they do, you usually haven't identified your core values yet.
Can your values change over time?
Core values are relatively stable across your adult life, but their importance to you can shift based on life circumstances. Someone who prioritizes achievement and career status might reassess that value after having children, or after a health scare, or after burning out. You're not changing your values—you're reordering them. The values are still there. What changes is which ones sit at the top of your list.
What if my values conflict with each other?
Some conflict is normal and built into the human value system. Schwartz's research showed that all people experience some tension between opposite values. The key is knowing where your conflicts are so you can make intentional choices instead of bouncing between them unconsciously. You might value both achievement and family—the question is how you'll balance them, not whether you can make the conflict disappear.
How do I know if I'm living my values?
You feel it in your body before your mind catches up. Misalignment shows up as restlessness, resentment, exhaustion, or a quiet sense that something is wrong. Alignment feels like integrity—not happiness necessarily, but a sense that your life is yours. You know your choices connect to something that matters. If you're constantly making decisions that go against what you claim to value, you will feel that friction. Pay attention to it.